The One Year Anniversary...

When the weather started getting colder and the darkness started to come earlier in the day my girls mentioned it “felt” like it did last year when we lost Michael and Dutch, but my sweet girls didn’t know the exact date is today, until yesterday morning.
Over the past year we have had many conversations about death, heaven, love, support, feelings, #Framily, community, trauma, family and above all truly living and what that means to us. Those conversations continue ❤️ How could this much time have goes by so fast? Still, sometimes it’s so hard to believe that he is gone, even though we live with it every day.
Yesterday I said to the girls that today is Michael’s anniversary and that I wanted to check in with them to see if they want to do something to acknowledge it or if they wanted to show up to December 8, 2019 with a beginner mind? I am trying not to take what happened 365 days ago and put it on the present day or to give ownership of this day to pain, loss and heartache. I am choosing to show up with an open heart and open mind and experience the gifts of December 8th 2019 and to gently and lovingly accept whatever it is, but not to consciously take what happened a year ago and place it on this new day and the present moment. Giving God/Universe/HigherPower the space and grace to write on that blank page today.
Im not denying what happened ... this is about living in the moment and experiencing the right here and right now... staying connected to the love that was here then and now.
We decided today we would do some fun things, tell our favorite stories about Michael and Dutch and enjoy our day as Michael would want for us.
Everyday he is in our conversation, in our minds and certainly in our hearts as he will be today.
Personally, I have gone in and out of thinking about this day last year, my last conversation, “THE CALL” and making those calls to his family, and telling my girls... then I surrender those thoughts and return to the present moment. I’m thinking of his amazing family ❤️, of his son and all of his friends near and far that were like his brothers (except you Vera, you were a sister 💕).
This morning during my meditation I focused on my gratitude for the outpouring and love that carries us each and every day, the random acts of kindness and love we have experienced and continue to experience. It’s been a year of watching my love story with Michael morph into a love story with friends and this community and watching my girls engulfed in it... one day at a time.
So today, I will be with my girls, eating his favorite ice cream, taking George for a walk in the woods like we did with Dutch, doing a crossword, living our big beautiful life, feeling connected to Michael, and giving thanks for this beautiful man that touched so many lives ❤️
#WidowsWords #MissingMichael #Framily #Connection #Community #Love #BigBeautifulLife #OurLoveStory #OneYear #GratefulHeart #LookAtOurHands #SoulMate