This Is Us

Last night my sweet noodle looked at me with glassy eyes, slumped shoulders and a weary expression and simply stated “I know we will be ok, but this hurts so bad. I miss Michael. I miss Dutch. and I miss Jack.”
The other noodle chimed in with “me too” wiping tears from her eyes... 
I was trying to breathe, be fully present and create space for grief which can come out as sadness, fear, anger... and last night it was a deep and cutting sadness. I took their hands and brought them up to my bed that I used to share with our Michael. I grabbed comfy blankets, their stuffed animal black labs, and extra pillows. We crawled into the bed, laid on top of each other, held hands, talked and cried. We took turns sharing what hurts us, what we miss, our favorite memories, and what we would say if we could have one more conversation with Michael or Dutch. 
As a Mom my first instinct is to want to take this pain away from them ... but I can’t take this away no more then I can remove the years we had with them. THIS IS US. If I could take away the loss then I also take away the love they gave and received from Michael, I take away my girls seeing our beautiful love story and how two people in love interact in a relationship, and what a kind and loving father Michael was to Jack. 
Last night and today have been very emotional, I am missing Michael, the man, very much. That said, I’ve got his love tucked right into my heart so I keep going there to feel him.
It was a heart wrenching evening laced with so much beauty as we shared stories of love and loss ❤️
#MissingMichael #Love #One #SeekingPeace #WidowsWords#TogetherWeHeal #CarryingMyNoodles #ThisIsUs