A Lighthouse

I am not one of those people who would go back to high school if given the chance… but I would go back every time if only to make sure I had Drea in my life.  I had a tough time in high school... played a fews sports, had a handful of good friends got into some trouble but was sort of odd and on the “outside”.  That’s how it felt to me anyways, who knows how close to reality that is.

That said, one of my two best friends was a girl I met my freshman year of high school, we ran track together.  She was a year older (which was a BIG age difference then, she was an “upper class-man” -SO COOL.) and we clicked right away.  She came from an Italian family (Gagliarducci was her last name, so proof enough) and I loved them too, and still do. They fed me many a meals, gave me plenty of hugs, and support as well as sound advice and shared some of their wisdom with me. We ran track together, set some records, had fun and got into a “little bit” of trouble in high school.  I will say that she was much more “on the beam” and when we got into trouble it was usually my idea and always ME who got us caught.

She went off to Clemson and I stayed around for another year of high school. We stayed in touch and after graduating from Clemson she moved to Chicago and we lived together until I met my first husband and she met the love of her life, who I also love dearly, and they eventually moved away to Ohio.

When I got married and moved to the burbs, we lost touch and then after she moved to Ohio, lots of time passed in between communications.

I think for both of us it was uncomfortable to reach out, almost ashamed that we let that much time pass with someone we love so much and had shared a large portion of our life with.   The first move is sometimes hard to make, even if you want to.

I was in Florida when Michael passed on that Saturday, at my sister’s baby shower, so I flew back to Chicago on Sunday night to tell my girls the news.

So much of the 24-48 hours after Michaels passing is still blocked out, but I do remember bits and pieces.

I remember landing in Chicago Midway airport and going down to baggage claim.

It was about 9pm on a Sunday night and it was empty at the baggage claim, the carousel clicking along loudly. It was bitter cold as the door to outside opened and closed.  I sat on the bright orange chairs that lined the walls as my sister went off to find our missing luggage.

I sat crying, feeling desperately alone in a city of 3 million people so I picked up the phone and called Drea.  I heard the sound of her voice and I relaxed into my grief, the loss, the fear and the pain. I felt safe and loved… I told her that Michael died, that I was hurting so deeply and that I just wanted to hear her voice.  I said I am sorry for not being in touch and we expressed how much we love each other...we talked, we cried and it was like no time had passed.

The next week was a blur as we planned Michael’s services and before I knew it, I was walking out of our church, behind his casket.  I watched him get placed in the back of a hearse, and I stood there staring at it in utter disbelief. His dear friends, Fran and Dave, came up and wrapped me into their arms and we cried as the hearse pulled away.  

I wept in pain, in disbelief, in sadness and in exhaustion…

I let them go and turned to face the church, there was a stream of people leaving the church and coming down the steps towards me.  I can almost feel the sun on my face as I recall this memory… the little bit of warmth it gave me in the bitter Chicago cold was appreciated even then. Ahh, the light.

I looked up towards the door and walking down the steps were Drea and Matt… I saw her face, our eyes met and I felt like I had just come home.  She was the most beautiful reprieve, a lighthouse in the darkest night. My dear friend.

Thank you for your love.

Thank you for sharing life with me.

Thank you for showing up over and over again with open arms, in good times and bad.

If you are reading this, thinking of someone you have lost touch with, act within the next five seconds, that’s where you will find courage... send them a note and tell them you miss them, tell them you love them.

Life is short.  You have right here and right now to act.

It is a small risk of silence/rejection/not the response you want… but the reward is miracles my friend, no matter what the response. Love impacts us when we choose it, no matter the outcome.

XO

#ThankYouForBeingALighthouse #Framily #Love #One #GratefulHeart #MissingMichael #HealingHeart #OurLoveStory #BigBeautifulLife #WidowsWords