I See You Sweetheart
Yesterday Michael’s belongings were removed from our home…it was scheduled, I knew it was happening but I also never wanted this to be happening. None of us did.
I was in a tough classroom yesterday and I had several lessons delivered… and with everything in life I have a choice of what teacher I am going to listen to.
LOVE (whatever you call it: God, HolySpirit, Source, Creator, Universe, Higher Power, Jesus)
OR
FEAR (whatever you call it: Ego, Enemy, Devil,Negative Energy)
On Saturday morning I left for the Wisconsin Dells for Lily’s volleyball tournament and as I walked out my front door, I looked to see if the bulbs Michael and I planted had started to open. They hadn’t, they were just bright green sprouts.
Early Sunday morning, 24 hours later, I left the dells to come home bright and early to meet Michael’s ex-wife, his darling son and his siblings to remove Michael’s personal property from our home. A home we shared and blended our families in, and our belongings.
Of course his son should have anything of his fathers that he would like, but it felt strange and sterile to separate his and mine, almost like a divorce. Which he had to go through 15 years ago and I had done several years ago too. Yet this was the hard lesson we all had in front of us, certainly another lesson in my life curriculum, another opportunity to chose love which leads to peace.
I came home to what I knew would be an emotional day. I pulled into the driveway and walked up to our door. As I was unlocking the door, I looked down and saw his favorite spring flower, the crocus, had bloomed. Not the daffodils we planted, not the tulips we planted, his favorite flowers.
I see you my love ️ and I will make you proud, I will choose love today and always. I will extend that to others and show that fear, sin, guilt, and judgement serve no one.
I prayed. I went to my internal teacher, I asked Holy Spirit (higher power, God, Source, Universe, Jesus, God or whatever that higher thing is to you) to teach me in this classroom that I had in front of me. To let me see through that lense so I could set aside what had been done and choose love.
The girls and I both struggled the past week with some of the things that were going to be taken, they had become attached to some of it as had I.
They reminded us of Michael or they were things we had made memories in, around, or on with Michael.
It was such a blessing and valuable lesson to navigate with my girls that “things” are meaningless and are all on their way to eventually being trash, as my minimalist friend always says. NOW, I should say that for so many of us, after we lose a loved one, they do give temporary healing, BUT the memories, the feelings, the experiences stay forever in your heart and mind never to be taken from you. Just close your eyes and remember sweet girls, he’s with us and he loves us.
As humans we attach stories and things onto who we believe WE ARE…and then we fight or pout like a child when they are taken away ONLY because WE have made them so valuable, we have made them a part of us. Its crazy if you think about it… we make things part of our identity.
That’s not our consciousness or our essence.
WE ARE / I AM light, love, peace and joy and we/I have everything we need within.
What a beautiful release.
I also want you to know although I have practiced this way of living for almost 6 years, I AM IN THE TRENCHES with y'all ! I had a moment alone where I said something nasty in the laundry room, fear makes me ugly, and my dear friend and support person was there to hear it… our eyes opened wide, her ears probably started bleeding (haha) and we laughed and remembered who we are, who I am. Then it was back to love… I am safe. I am loved. I am whole. Right here and Right now.
Thank you to Beth, Kevin and Meg for your love and support and for anyone who is praying for us, dropping off meals, calling, sending love notes, and dropping by for a hug. We are truly just walking each other home.
XO
#GratefulHeart #Release #WidowsWords #Framily #Community #LoveAlways #Peace #joy #TheLightIsTheOnlyRealThing