The Proposal and Wedding Plan

This picture is the night that Michael proposed, well… we have a secret proposal story… that’s for another day. Maybe in a book? I don’t know, we will see. It was very important to Michael to get married, so that was our plan.

THE PROPOSAL:
He came over in his suit, from work, and he asked me to please go into my bedroom so he could talk to the girls. So I stepped into my room and OF COURSE put my ear to the door AND wrote what I could hear in my journal so I would never forget it!

He said, “I have something important that I wanted to talk you girls about. I think you know how much I love your mother and that I think she is the most amazing woman I have met. You hear me tell her the thousands of things I love about her (Maddie started saying things and Lily was giggling - I couldn’t hear this part well), including the amazing mother she is to you girls. I have never met anyone like your Mom and I was lucky enough to meet a woman who has two amazing little girls whom I also love very much. I can’t imagine my life without your Mom and you two in it. I want to ask your mom to marry me and I wanted to make sure you are both ok with that.”

IT WAS SO CUTE - there was giggling and whispers and “SHHHH”s and then talking and more giggling. Lily said, “Are you going to do it right? You’re going to get on your knee right?” he said “Yes, I planned to and I wanted to see if you and Maddie wanted to be a part of asking her with me. If not, I can do it on my own but I wanted to offer for you two to help me.” MORE GIGGLES. He then gave them two ring pops and said “And I brought these rings for you two, my promise to always be here for you.” This absolutely pierces my heart.

I heard a little knock on the door and I open it to see Lily’s blue eyes the size of saucers, a tightened face and full on teeth…a huge Julia Roberts smile with eye brows raised as if she just had just been scared. “Um Mom” with a huge smile “You should come out here, we have to talk to you”. Maddie was peeking underneath her arm that was on my doorknob to my room. She had a grin ear to ear and was jittery in her body trying to get me to the family room by grabbing my hands and pulling me. Lily jumped up on the couch to have an eagle eye view and Michael started talking , “I was telling the girls how much I love you, and them, and that I wanted to” Lily interrupts him with a hand signal to get his ass on his knees :) - it was hysterical!! “I am Lil, hang on…” he said laughing with his little half smile.

He gets down on his knee and says “I want to ask you if you will marry me and I promise I will spend the rest of my life loving all of you.” I can hear it and see it… he hugged and kissed me, then each girl jumped on us and he hugged them and thanked them for the help, especially lily’s orders :). The tears, the kids jumping up and down, Michael crying, his kiss, his hug, that surreal moment in my little apartment. I remember reminding myself to take this all in, the sounds, the smell, the feels…

Then it took us a while to set a date, but no hurry we had been together for several years, but the delay was because we couldn’t find a home that would accommodate us. Finding a home was the priority because for over a year we were crammed into the little yellow Linneman house where some of our best memories were made. After over a year of looking, we moved into our dream home in September 2018 we started talking when, where, who :).

We decided in October we would do a “Surprise Wedding” on May 11th veiled in a “Our house is finally finished house warming party!” We had Courtney, our talented decorator friend, sworn to secrecy and ready to help us finish this in time for the wedding. We had Francesca ready to help with invites and decor and Michael knew he was going to ask Judge Hagerty to marry us, he would be sworn in by then. As usual, Michael was thoughtful in picking May 11th, Mother’s Day weekend. He thought if siblings came in, they could spend Mothers Day with Sally and I could be with my mom and my sisters who would all be moms by then. We were going to tell only our immediate family the date and plan at Christmas and then the kids in March/April for several reasons but mostly because it’s hard to have kids keep secrets.

Michael wanted a white tent, a caterer, music, twinkle lights, us to write vows and to be surrounded by friends and family. Just an evening to celebrate not just our love, but all the love we have given and received from so many friends and our amazing family through the peaks and valleys of life. I had a simple dress picked out that Michael loved, we started to make a list of songs, I started to write my vows to him, we talked about flowers or not and laughed about the magic between us. The love that we found. It always came back to that… how grateful we were to have each other. One of my last text messages to him was “you are my bucket list”.

I meant that then and I mean that now. I had the very best.

So last week and this week I have been gentle and loving with myself as I wander into wondering what we would be doing this week, what I would be feeling and how joyous it would have been. I imagine the giddy joy we would be feeling, the laughing and pillow talk that would be going on. I think about how I would feel waking up on Saturday… what that day would be like with the girls and my sisters, his sisters and our combined nieces. It’s been a weepy time over here, that is the truth and it’s ok because in the very same moment there is joy, humor, and peace. It’s all of it.

It would have been an honor to take this beautiful man as my husband, to have and to hold for the rest of my life. Instead, the way I choose to see it is that it was an honor love this man for almost 8 years and to experience his unconditional love in return.

I wrote vows, maybe I will share tomorrow.

#GratefulHeart #WidowsWords #MissingMichael #Love #One #WeddingWeek #